Nobody Here But Us Chickens
by Pocketbook-Angel
Summary: Yuri decides to take his new girlfriend to Shin Makoku for a romantic vacation. It's a terrible idea, and will end in heartbreak and malevolent poultry. But Conrad and Yuri, as always, have each other. some Yuri/OFC, Yuri/Conrad


Nobody Here But Us Chickens

Wolfram always blamed Murata for the end of his engagement to the Maoh. Even years later, when he was happily established as the head of the von Bielefeld family, he would sometimes remember he had a grudge against the Great Sage and stubbornly use his position on the council to block proposals Murata was supporting and mutter about how he couldn't be trusted to keep his mouth shut when it was really important. Perhaps Wolfram's grudge was justified, after all, Murata's discretion could fail at some surprisingly convenient times.

Yuri's high school had its culture festival at the end of October. Unlike the other third year students who were already exhausted and frazzled from unfinished club business and college exam study, Yuri, as a man without a school club and no plans for university, was relaxed and happy. He was free to eat yakisoba, wander through the art club's gallery, and listen to terrible bands in the school gym.

His homeroom teacher had been suspicious of Yuri's pleasant lifestyle. "What kind of job do you have lined up for after graduation?" he had asked.

"A foreign country job," Yuri said.

"Foreign country? Is that what you kids are calling 7-11 nowadays?"

Sometimes Yuri did think it was weird that the right soul was all the qualification he needed to be king, but it was working out better than expected. Yuri might not be the smartest, but he could surround himself with those who were.

A couple of girls came running into Yuri's homeroom as he was helping with culture festival cleanup. "Shibuya, Shibuya! There's a gang from another school outside!"

"A gang? This caught the attention of the other cleaners. "What happened Shibuya? Did you

steal the wrong dude's girlfriend?"

"Did you punch the wrong guy," asked someone who had gone to the same junior high as Yuri.

Yuri went outside. There was indeed a gang waiting to meet him, Murata standing sheepishly off to the side, as if he didn't want to give the idea that wearing the same uniform meant they were together.

At Yuri's approach, the juvenile delinquents straightened up and formed a line across the gate. It was a little intimidating. A tall girl with delicate features and light brown hair stepped forward.

"My lord. We, the Mazoku of the Kanto region, humbly greet you." She curtsied, and the row of boys behind her bowed.

Yuri's classmates applauded. It was more entertaining than a play.

"Um, thanks, I guess. Murata?"

"Like they said, Earth Mazoku saying hello," Murata said. It wasn't much of explanation.

"If you're Earth Mazoku, shouldn't you save your greetings…" Murata's frantic hand-waving told Yuri to shut up.

"Until now, I've been the leader of this region's Mazoku, I will allow you to take me to a café to discuss the transfer of power. Yuri glanced at Murata, who shrugged. Murata had positioned himself so the light would ambiguously reflect off his glasses, so Yuri had to decide for himself if it was good idea.

The girl's long, brown hair fluttered in the wind. Café? It almost sounded like a date.

Yuri's classmates drifted away, disappointed by the lack of hitting.

It _was_ a date, but any chance for a romantic mood was spoiled by the two Mazoku the girl brought as bodyguards and Murata. "For your safety, my lord. I don't know why he lets you go around by yourself." Murata shrugged again, and Yuri realized he was a little tired of all the non-verbal communication.

"My name is Kotori Utsunomiya." Once they settled in with the hot chocolate (Yuri and Kotori) and tea (Murata), she introduced herself.

"My grandfather came to Japan from Shin Makoku, where he was a member of the Voltaire family. He fell in love with a woman of earth and decided to stay."

Before Yuri could open his mouth to ask, Murata kicked him under the table.

"Would you like a demonstration of my powers?" Kotori said. It wasn't a question.

"Of course," Yuri said.

Kotori stood up.

"Act impressed," Murata whispered.

Once Kotori had everyone's attention, she began to whistle. It was tuneless, like she couldn't decide if she was trying for "Toryanse" or "The Farmer in the Dell." A few sparrows drifted down from the trees and began to peck at the muffin crumbs on the table. A mangy crow took a break from the trash cans he'd been investigating and perched on the back of Kotori's chair. Kotori stopped whistling; Murata and the bodyguards broke into applause.

"That was, wow," Yuri said.

"My songs compel loyalty from the beasts of the air." She pointed at a bodyguard who was trying to hide his cheesecake from the crow's beady gaze, "Tenyuu can command the beasts of the field. Show him."

Tenyuu looked as excited to show off his power as Yuri felt about seeing it, but he stood and uttered a few short barks and a squeak.

Something was coming. Screams rippled through the crowded café. Men and women clutched at their handbags. Finally, it appeared. A small grey mouse scampered up the table and stopped in front of Yuri.

"He is yours to command," Kotori said. Yuri wanted to say something like, _will he do my homework_, but he was afraid Kotori would take his request seriously and even though the mouse had bright, alert eyes, it couldn't be as smart as all that.

"You can let it go," Yuri said. Tenyuu nodded, and gave the mouse a small taste of cheesecake before lowering him to the ground.

"Do you accept our services?"

"I guess so," Yuri said.

Yuri waited until Kotori led the others away to question Murata. "Why didn't you want me to ask about her family? I've never met any other earth mazoku."

"Did you know that in early 19th century England, you could get the death penalty for stealing items worth more than a shilling? That's around 500 yen, maybe a thousand, depending on how you do the math. The other choice was transport, one-way ticket to New South Wales."

"Were you a convict in one of your past lives?"

"Not that I remember. The history lesson was my way of saying that for a while Earth was Shin Makoku's Australia. Some Mazoku are still a little sensitive about it, even though most of them were political exiles, rather than criminals."

"We sent prisoners to earth?"

"It wasn't many, mostly high-ranking Mazoku who abused their powers. Unless your maryoku is extremely strong, you can't use it here. I know about Utsunomiya's grandfather - he had the habit of blowing away entire villages when they complained about their taxes."

"Blowing away? Like the Big Bad Wolf, huffing and puffing?"

"As a member of an important family, they couldn't let the piggies throw him in the cooking pot. So, he was sent to earth and now he sells BMWs and bullies his children and spoils his grand-children."

"She was a little rude to you. Does she know who you are?"

"Me? I'm just Murata." He grinned and let the light reflect off his glasses. It was annoying.

Although Kotori's personality wasn't what anyone would call "easygoing," Yuri liked having her for a girlfriend. The elaborate lunches she made him were the envy of his class. They studied together after school, and his grades managed to go up a little. Once, while her parents were out of the house, they made out under the kotatsu. When she started hinting about how romantic Christmas would be if they could spend it together at his castle, he didn't see any reason why he shouldn't bring her with him during winter vacation.

He asked Conrad for advice during his usual weekend visit to Shin Makoku. It was after their morning run. They'd stopped to refill their Tokyo Tower shaped sports bottles from one of the many crystal-like creeks that flowed through the countryside.

"She says she wants to see the land of her ancestors," Yuri said.

"What about her grandfather?"

"I met him once. You can totally see he's one of the Voltaires, has the bushy grey hair and the glaring eyes. He lost interest in me when he found out I was too young to buy a BMW."

"As long as her grandfather doesn't want to return, it should be fine."

Yuri picked up a flat stone and tried to skip it across the water, but it sank immediately. He frowned and picked up another one.

Conrad enjoyed these moments with Yuri and tried to stomp on the jealousy he felt when he heard about cafés, study dates, and experiments with unhooking bras. He wasn't too worried about losing Yuri to someone from earth. Wolfram would make sure the girl wasn't a serious threat. He would be furious, and the jealous part of Conrad was looking forward to the fight. Conrad picked up a stone and flicked his wrist; it skipped neatly over to the other side.

Conrad assumed Yuri would mention his plans to bring a visitor home before actually doing so. He may have been jealous of Wolfram's relationship with Yuri, but he loved his brother and knew how sensitive he could be.

Wolfram was shocked into silence when a third figure, clearly female, emerged from the fountain. He was unable to say anything, not _welcome back_, not _who is that_, as Yuri helped her stand.

"I am honored to meet the people of this great land," Kotori said, flinging her arms wide. Her voice sounded strange.

"This is my friend from earth," Yuri said.

"Girlfriend," she corrected him.

Wolfram continued to not say anything.

"My name is-" Before Kotori could launch into her carefully rehearsed self-introduction, Wolfram exploded into incoherent rage. Only a few words could be understood: girlfriend, cheater, how dare you.

Conrad translated as much of it as he could for Kotori. She folded her arms and glared at Wolfram.

"Tell him I am ready to fight for my love," she said in Japanese.

Wolfram nodded. He didn't know what she'd said, but he was more than ready to start hurling fireballs.

"I think we should go back to the castle and talk about this," Yuri said.

"No!" Wolfram and Kotori shouted.

"We need to settle this now. How can I enjoy a tour of the famous Hall of Kings knowing my beloved is in the arms of another," Kotori said in Japanese.

"She said she wants to settle this now," Conrad helpfully translated.

Yuri wondered how Conrad was able to tell which language was being spoken. It all sounded like Japanese to him.

"It would be disgraceful for me to use magic against a human. I will allow her to choose the weapons," Wolfram said.

"Choose your weapon," Conrad said.

"I will not dishonor my Mazoku ancestors by fighting like a human. As weak as it is, I believe my magic can win the day."

"She says magic is fine," Conrad said.

"Duel in half an hour," Murata announced. "Ulrike can help Kotori find some dry clothing. Lord von Christ, Conrad Weller, and myself will be the judges. Josak, wherever you're hiding, please tell the castle what's going on."

Yuri pulled Wolfram aside. "Isn't there another way of settling this? She's just a girl from Earth, she doesn't know anything about Shin Makoku."

"This is more for your honor than mine," Wolfram said. "How would it look if I let you go without a fight?"

"Wolfram."

"Our engagement was broken the minute you brought that girl here. Even though I will win, I don't expect it to resume," Wolfram said stiffly. "But don't worry about the girl. I'll use the heat from one of my fireballs to push her out of the ring. I won't hit her directly."

"Thank you."

Finding dry clothes for Kotori was more difficult than expected. Other than the robes worn by the temple's acolytes, the only clothing left in the temple were pieces once owned by Cheri or Josak, too big or too revealing. Kotori solved this problem by wearing one dress over the other. It looked really flammable, and Yuri hoped Wolfram's aim could be trusted.

Conrad and Gunter took up positions at opposite ends of the ring, a hastily drawn square in a patch of dirt at the back of the temple. Kotori and Wolfram, entered the ring, bowed to Yuri, and then to each other.

"At the count of three," Murata said. "Three, two...that didn't work."

The minute Murata said three, Wolfram started chanting and Kotori started her pathetic whistling. Yuri closed his eyes. He hated to see anyone get hurt, especially since this situation was entirely his fault. He'd learned so much about diplomacy between countries, but still had much to learn about diplomacy between people.

"This isn't fair! Stop it! Stop it now! Let go of me!" Wolfram yelled.

Yuri opened his eyes. The beasts of the air had answered Kotori's call. In Tokyo, she'd been able to call a couple of sparrows. In Shin Makoku, she called other things.

Flocks of birds and bird-like creatures swirled above them. A couple of oversized chickens had caught hold of Wolfram and carried him out of the ring. He was struggling, but the chickens were very large and very determined.

Kotori had stopped whistling and was trying to shoo the birds away, but they ignored her. "You can go now, we've won." She waved her arms at them, but the chickens kept on coming. CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK.

"Isn't it amazing, Shibuya? They're like four times the size of a chicken on earth, but they can fly," Murata said.

Conrad pulled out his sword. "Heika, when I give the signal, run for the buildings."

"But, Wolfram..."

"We need to assure your safety first," Gunter said. "Besides, Bloody Mountain Chickens rarely eat mazoku."

"Rarely?" Yuri hesitated. Chickens were filling the sky. This was definitely a situation for the Maoh.

Yuri dropped to the ground, exhausted, and sighed as he felt Conrad's familiar arms around him. The Maoh's flood had swept the chickens to a lake miles away. They would be angry, mad as wet hens, but thanks to their short attention spans, they would forget to seek revenge. Yuri fought the peaceful slumber his body craved. He needed to make sure everything was settled.

"How is Wolfram?"

"He's fine. Losing so quickly was a shock to his pride, but he'll recover. We probably should stay away from chicken-related topics for a while, maybe forever."

Yuri rested his head against Conrad's shoulder and waited.

"Unlike chickens, Wolfram has an eggs-celent memory."

Even for Conrad, it was a terrible joke, but Yuri laughed. Everything was fine and Conrad was there and he could relax.

"You didn't say it," Yuri murmured.

"Oh?"

"Everything happened so fast, you didn't say it."

"Welcome back, heika," Conrad said, and Yuri fell asleep.

When Yuri finally woke up, he was back at the castle and it was almost dawn. He pulled a jacket on over his pajamas and wandered down to the gardens. Kotori was there, wrapped in something that was either a sheet or one of Josak's old dresses.

"My lord, I came out to see the sunrise. I'm so sorry for what happened yesterday. I don't know how it happened, but I accept full responsibility," she said.

"Don't worry about it, everyone is fine. But please don't do that whistling thing. Shin Makoku amplifies maryoku and I don't ever want to see those chickens again."

Kotori shuddered. "Nor do I."

The sky around them became lighter and brighter, but there wasn't anything to see other than a few drifting clouds.

"Although I won the duel, would you please consider releasing me from our engagement. Yesterday, I realized I do not understand this strange land and cannot be its queen."

"Um, okay."

"Thank you, my lord. I will, of course, remain your humble servant." She curtsied in the same grand manner she'd possessed on the day they'd first met.

Yuri raced back to his bedroom to change into his tracksuit. He felt so free. He'd been saying that he didn't want to marry anyone, but they kept acting like he didn't know his own mind. Yuri felt a twinge a guilt as he remembered how Wolfram was carried away at the duel. Conrad had said that Wolfram was fine, but he needed to see it for himself.

Wolfram was curled up in a chair in the library. He had a book on his lap, but wasn't reading.

"There you are, I was worried about you," Yuri said.

"Thanks for your concern, heika," Wolfram said.

"I'm really sorry about what happened."

"The girl came in earlier to apologize and we had a talk. Don't worry about it, I'm fine."

"Earlier? The sun just came up. Is everyone in the castle awake?"

"You always were a little lazy." Wolfram sniffed dismissively. "Unfortunately for you, I could never be serious about someone with such bad habits."

Conrad was waiting for Yuri outside his room.

"I'm worried about Wolfram," Yuri said.

"He'll be fine. It's hurt pride and..."

"And?"

"And nothing." Conrad had almost said that it would take anyone a long time to get over Yuri, but there was no way he could say something like that without sounding too serious. "Congratulations on your new engagement."

Yuri flopped on the bed. "Oh, no. I'm so happy, that one is already over."

Conrad sat down next to Yuri. "If that's over and you want to fix things with Wolfram, I'm sure he would-"

"No," Yuri said. "Why do people keep trying to marry me off?"

Conrad stretched out next to Yuri so he could look him in the eyes. "Because I'm selfish. I don't want to marry you off to just anyone. I want you to be a part of my family so I don't have to worry about you leaving for good."

"You don't have to worry about that." Yuri smiled. "If you look so serious, you'll get wrinkles just like your older brother." Yuri reached out to smooth away the worried lines that had appeared on Conrad's forehead. Conrad closed his eyes as Yuri touched his face, so Yuri kissed him.

It was amazing. Conrad's lips were warm and slightly rough and Yuri wanted to taste him completely. He pulled back so he could see Conrad's face, to see if Conrad felt the same way he did. The love mixed with confusion on his face made Yuri want to kiss him again. He could feel Conrad's body beneath him, solid and muscular, and he wanted to push away the clothing that separated them and taste every inch of skin. The way Conrad was moaning his name made Yuri dizzy with excitement.

A loud knock on the door startled them apart. Yuri tried to get off the bed, but his head was still spinning, and he slid to the ground instead.

"No one's in there," Murata said. "They're probably jogging around the castle right now." Murata opened the door and saw Conrad sprawled across the bed and Yuri on the floor. Murata closed the door. "I think they'll meet us in the library in a half hour," Murata said loudly and clearly.

"Half an hour, that's barely any time at all," Yuri sighed.

Conrad leaned over and kissed the top of Yuri's head. "It's enough for today," he said.


End file.
